C for Scary

Last month, my family doctor called me on the phone. She just left a voice mail but still, it was very unlikely of her to call me. Though I was suspicious, I didn't return her call till the following week.

After I talked to her and hanged up the phone, I was wondering what was she talking about. I tried to recall our conversation trying to digest everything she said. Then it dawned on me that it was something really scary.

She found an abnormal cell in my recent pap smear. That was what the call was all about. She is going to refer me to an OB Gyne for a biopsy so make sure what it is. Apparently, that abnormal cell may cause cancer of the uterus. Though she said it was very unlikely but due to my age and family history - I had a cousin who died of cervical cancer 2 years ago and another cousin who just had a hysterectomy two weeks ago - it would be the best thing to do. I agreed.

My biopsy schedule is today at 3:45 pm. I received the news last month and I kept it to myself until two days ago. I never told a soul till then. I am so scared! The thought of the big C scared the hell out of me!

Last night, me and hubby was crying as we held each other. I told him that if I would be found with cancer, I wanted to go home and be with my family. But as I was saying that, I realized that he too is my family. I was torn and cried some more. This morning before I left for work, we hugged each other and cried harder. And in the car as we drove to the hospital for my scheduled biopsy we were holding hands like we never want to let go.

At the hospital, I have never seen his face so scared before. I could see in his eyes how worried he was. I wanted to cry but I controlled myself.

I only saw the glow in his eyes again when I told him that I didn't need a biopsy. The OB Gyne said that upon studying my family doctor's paperworks, the abnormal cell normally occur during the menstrual cycle. I had the pap smear during that period and I'm all set.

Oh what a relief. We still held each other's hand on our way home.

My Two Questions:
1. Have you been so scared of anything before?
2. What would you do if you received such a terrifying news?


This is my entry for Self Sagacity's Thursday Two Questions. To join and for more interesting 2 Questions entry... click HERE.


Self Sagacity said…
Hi Ruthi,
You have a really great relationship and that I can see from your description of your husband during this scary moment.
I am not sure what I would do different. I don't know if I would cry or stay up all night...it is one of the ways that I try to resolve issues, because I can't sleep.
I am glad it turned out great in the end and you are alright.
Thanks for linking up this week.
betchai said…
so glad to hear about your good news Ruthi, yes, I have been through the same stage before as you had, 2006! Which made me brought tickets right away for home visit. I did not do any differently than you did, I cried a whole lot, and like you, Khai was with me also sharing my pain and fears. I talked a whole lot to my family and very close friends back home while waiting for more results of my uncertainty.
Thank God everything turned out all right. I never heard of a doctor scheduling a routine pap during one's menses. I am so glad your hubby was in your corner and the two of you can gratefully breathe a sigh of relief together.

I had ovarian cysts which had me in almost constant pain untill the doctor rescribed birth controll pills. I passed one just before that happened and it knocked me completely down; talk about pain. Our bodies are wondrously created and when something is wrong we dwell on that. When everything goes well we just carry on. Does He have to scare us to get a thank you?

I know about time crunches. My to do list is overflowing and I find myself (when I finally get to sit down to the computer) nodding off. You certainly do not need to apologize to me. God blessed me with knowing you and I will be eternally grateful.