"Never ever argue with yourself. You'll never win! - #ruthiliciosuHindsight
Well, it's not a cliche anymore for me. It's a fact!
Long before the divorce, I've been doing a lot of things and activities all by myself. The Ex was not around very much even on most weekends, he wasn't there. And if he was, I still did things on my own because our interests are totally opposite.
I do love to do things with friends but not very often since they have their own families and the weekend is always family time.
So doing things - fun things... solo was my only option if I don't want to rot in the cave.
I started walking and running all by myself for no reason. Well, there is a reason. Everyone was out working or in school and there was not much of a chore I can or want to do anymore because you don't vacuum, wash laundry, and clean the toilet every single day. And even if I can do it, I won't. That's st*p!d.
So at first, I decided to get out of the house and walked into my neighborhood for 30 minutes every day and I found it relaxing. It helped me think for my next blog topic or new art design or just dream dreams. Next thing I know I was running races all by myself. I signed up for races every month and that was the time I claimed I have a running career. But it wasn't what you think. I just love to pretend that I am THAT athlete because it made me feel good. I would travel to different places here in Maine to run and I had to admit, I was jealous of those runners crossing the finish line with their families cheering them on with matching signs. The only people who were cheering me on were the organizers. But I felt okay overtime because I run the same races every year so I kinda look familiar to them already, so they are my friends-of-the-races. Actually, I was on name-basis with the official photographers of the races because I made friends with them so I can get good shots at the finish lines to post in IG. So, I started running on the trails after that because I just love the views and the peace I get being with nature. It was so recharging.
Then, I discovered the joy of hiking with friends. Eventually, I hike all by myself too because I don't expect my friends to work their schedule around me. Hiking is my ultimate high both literally and figuratively. I hike all year round. In the winter I go snowshoeing and the first time I did it was with a bunch of strangers at the orchard sponsored by a non-profit organization for the preservation of Maine lands and forest. It was cool to go snowshoeing under the moonlight. From there I leveled up and enrolled to get a beginner's class on cross-country skiing. It was so so cool.
And when I am not running or walking or hiking or snowshoeing or cross-country skiing... I am riding my bike and riding solo too, of course. I do it in the trails too because I am scared of the road and motorists. I get distracted by noise and the things happening around me that's why I love to do a lot of things with Mother Nature. She is totally awesome. But I also walk my bike. I had to admit I need to work on my balance and the strength to navigate through the curves and uphill landscapes and most importantly, endurance. And yes, if I can put training wheels on my bike I would do it. But it will look silly. So I walk my bike every 20 minutes duration.
Next, I tried camping all by myself.
And I was hooked!
I'm not gonna lie, I was really scared just the thought of it. But I had to put my big-girl-pants on to have the courage I needed and went on Amazon and Walmart and bought all the gears I needed to make it happen. I researched everything about camping and read everything I can find on the internet for safety and survival. But it wasn't like I was planning to camp in the middle of nowhere. Just the thought of being attacked by a bear or mountain lion is scary enough, how much more if I do it for reals. Good thing I live in Vacationland where we are blessed with Mother Nature. There are lots of campgrounds around here where I can camp safely and without worries and with the convenience of running water and clean toilets and bathrooms. And yes, it's glamping for me more or less.
Then, my ultimate go-to when I don't do any of those I mentioned already above - BEACHING.
Yes, I go to the beach almost every day last summer. I call the lake my office. I spent all day on the beach. I brought my breakfast, lunch, and dinner there. I have my books, mat, cushion for lying down on, chair. and whatnot. I would spend half a day hiking or biking or napping or drawing or reading and anything I normally do at home. I sometimes swim too but that is optional. And if I want to be daring I would use my standup paddleboard around the lake or do yoga on it.
The beach is my happy place. I just want to be there and not on my couch or bed. It was totally the kind of life I was living in last summer.
Lastly, I traveled all by myself. This one is unexpected and not totally in the book. But it happened and I was grateful that it did. For the first time, I traveled abroad all by myself in a foreign country NOT knowing a single soul, and came home as a new person.
The excitement was intense and the anxiety was high. I did travel out of the country before but it was the very first time I traveled to a non-English speaking country. It was the first time too that I wasn't going to meet someone I know. I was going to meet strangers and make friends with them. And I did. I found my tribe.
The joy of spending time with myself is both scary and rewarding. Maybe to some it just scary. But for me, it's more on the rewarding side.
Doing things on my own made me know myself on a deeper level. It made me appreciate myself more and love myself unconditionally.
It made me discover my strength and use them to my advantage.
It helped me appreciate the people who matter most.
I have grown to be more sensitive to my own feelings and others because when you are alone, you have no choice but turn in and experience everything within you because outside my body everything is neutral. There is no bias over the people I meet because I have no personal connection with them. I don't judge my personal choices because I know that no one will judge me back.
Doing things solo is not my excuse for avoiding people and situations. Doing solo is my way of giving myself the break I need to charge and recharge.
And when I come back from my solo flight and had the time I needed to be with myself and Mother Nature, I begin to crave humans again and ready to be present and connected and just be!
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