Friday, June 16, 2017

The Second Phase (the 2nd time around)

Today, marks the first day of the second phase of my life. The past 50 years of my existence is nothing short of excitement and full of memories both happy and otherwise. The first phase of my existence is full of blessings and.....  


- END OF THE POST! -


YES, THERE IS A STORY BEHIND THE ABOVE POST. I promise.


That introduction was written two years ago and that was all I wrote. That was where I left off.

I think I didn't finish the write-up for no reason.

I take that back. Maybe there was but I can't remember it. I probably forgot all about it at one point and accidentally logged in today for no reason. Or probably I was having senior moments that time. But I remember I started writing the draft of this post on March 14, 2015 to be exact. I wrote it on my birthday when I turned 50 hoping I will be able to make a big deal about ME turning into a Golden Girl. And that was two effing years ago!
Well, as you have noticed I have not written or posted anything in this blog for the longest time except for one which I didn't even write myself. It was a Guest Post which I am very grateful for because I was compensated for it.

Anyway, after 2 years of blogging hiatus, I am back and will take off from here. (Crossing my fingers really really hard now.) I know, I know, been saying that for the Nth time now. But this time I hope I can really keep this blog going until I'm 101. (Fingers remain crossed permanently.)

When I turned 50 years old two years ago I had a big plan for the next phase of my life. It was a milestone. I needed to write about it. It was huge. I had to make a great deal about it.  It was phenomenal. I got to document it so that it would remind me of that special event that happened only once in a lifetime. But fate has it. I was sidetracked by my other interests. Hey, I need a hobby too, you know. The problem is, I got too many of them. So yes, I am to blame.

Having said that, I feel I need to focus now if I want this to happen. I need to do something for the sake of my personal legacy to the world. Hmmmm, maybe not the world. I take that back too. Just a legacy for myself that might come handy when I reach that stage when memories of the past seem to be foggy.

So, what is my Legacy?

Do I really have one?

Does it matter?

I don't know.

I remember that months before my birthday I started the countdown for the "milestone". And prior to that, I also blogged about myself when I turned 49. (Yes, I'm narcissistic that way.) Then, when I turned 50, I tried to write about it but didn't finish it. I really tried, honest. But heck, No. I forgot to finish it.

But what just happened?

Are these signs of golden age taking a toll on me way too early?

Well, here's the thing, I can't remember anything significant after I turned 50 except that I got my first AARP letter in the mail. That was my first wake up call and an EPIC SIGN that I am old. It totally reminded me that I need to get my act together now because I already crossed the line of virility. Hah! That's a big word for a childish, 50-ish Asian woman-ish like myself. And like any woman regardless of race, nationality and cultural orientation... that's scary. Or maybe not.
Well, what to do know?

I got a list of things about Lessons in Life that I want to share here. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to be smart or pretending that I know better than everyone else. I'm just doing this for myself because maybe this will help me recount all the blessings I received that I took for granted... all the lessons learned that made me stronger as a person... and some of the mistakes I made so that I wouldn't make them again. Or perhaps, this will help me become - the better version of me!

Yes, this LIST is just for me. I need these reminders to carry on to the next phase because I'm forgetful. I need them to move on to the next level because getting old will be stressful. But then, I want to share it with any one of you who can relate.  So you are all welcome to take them as your guidelines for getting old happy and growing old for fun.

The List.

1. What is done is done. There's no turning back. Crying and whining about the past will not bring back the time I lost. It's impossible to forget the pain but it is possible to heal the wounds of the past. It is what it is, so move on!

2. Keep the "big girl's panties on".  I wasn't a cry baby for as long as I can remember. And if I did cry in the past, I did it behind doors. I wasn't the kind of girl who got picked on when I was little too (It's the other way around I think.) so crying over something petty is not my thing. So if somebody hurt my feelings, I just cry a bit, plot a resbak plan and shake my booty off.

3. Giving up is not a choice.  Failure always leaves a bitter after taste to any one's consciousness. I am not a very competitive person, but I love to challenge myself with anything that I find interesting. There are things that I had do because I don't have a choice. On the other hand, if I fail on doing what I like to do, giving up is an option but never a choice. Giving up on things I like is never easy. Failing on something I have no control over is the challenge. I fail a lot of times but I got back up more than I failed. I toughen it up and move along because I always put my big girl's panties on!

3. Life is not fair.  Welcome to the real world. The past 50 plus years were amazing and appalling at the same time. I do have lots of regrets and disappointment about a lot of things and made a lot of bad choices too. Now, the past is haunting me and I am reaping the consequences of those choices I made. But those should not stop me from turning my life around. I accept the fate I created and embrace those choices as life lessons that I don't need to repeat. But I also learned early on in life that there will always be someone better than I am. As I grew up, I learned early on in life that "life is not all about me". Life is tough. Get over it.

5. Get some Girl Power. Getting myself some trusted girlfriends who I can do crazy things with was worth the investment. I'm an only daughter and I have 2 brothers that I tortured to death when we were younger. Given that background, it's hard for me to get along with girls of different ages, sizes, colors and shapes. My mother-daughter relationship was not that good either. Having a handful of loyal to a fault, honest to your face and ridiculously trustworthy girlfriends help me build a solid alliance against the boys. But the best part of having girlfriends is, I have somebody to help me decide which shoes to buy and what purse goes with the dress. Let's drink to that!

5. Hot. Flashes. Is. Real! It's not a disease. It's not contagious. It's incurable. It's undeniable. It comes quick and fast and recurring. Just open the windows or door. Turn on the fan or A/C. Or take a quick shower. Everything will be fine and I am not alone. Every woman in this whole wide world has to go through this phase. I'm quick to find out how to use it to my advantage. This is my best defense against my hubby when I want to be alone and not to be bothered.

6. Shopping freeze kills no one. Shopaholics are not people with dreaded disease. They are just normal human being who love to shop regardless of the reason, the season and the ability and capability to execute the goal. Shopping therapy is not a cure for stress. Much less an excuse to help the economy. It's just an alibi for people to buy more stuff that they don't need. I know. Been there, done that. Last year, out of impulse, I decided to go on a "shopping freeze mode". That was the most nerve-shaking decision I ever made. But I survived. I'm still alive and I was able to pay off all my bills and started the year debt free. However, I need to be kind to myself. I activate the freeze mode button every now and then because I need to reward myself for being a good girl.

7. Get a hobby. I'm a hobbyist. My creative juices runs deep and wild. I can turn anything into beautiful things and I can create magic. No, I'm just exaggerating. To be honest with you, I just create because I am always bored. I need to get myself busy. One good thing about having a hobby is - it keeps "the Hub" out of trouble because I don't see what he is doing wrong.

8. Love yourself. I cannot give what I don't have. Suffice it to say, no one will love me more than I can love myself. As I approach my late 40s I made a drastic lifestyle change. I chose to take charge of my health and so far I am happy where I am at. I have never felt this great before. And I feels good to put a size 0 big girl's panties on!
The list can go up to 50. Trust me, I can go on and on but why would I do that? As I have said at the start of this list, this is just for me. These are just to remind myself to be accountable for my actions and help me to continue making good choices. But you are all welcome to follow them if they make sense to you. As for me, they are just some of the few sensible things that keep me alive and live a normal life in this abnormal world.

And by the way, I don't feel like FIFTY.  50 is just a number. Number is only relevant to me when we are talking about money. wink*




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