My Dad wasn't really around when I was growing up. Well, he was pretty much around until I was 10 years old. But during the most critical stage of my growing up years where I was going crazy about my teenage life due to hormonal change... he was abroad working to give us a better future.
I am not really complaining or something like that. It's just that, now that I am a grown up, I just wished that he was there during those times when I needed him the most. I feel that I would have made less mistakes and better choices when he was around to guide me. And maybe, life would be a little easier to comprehend when I have someone on my side even when I was unreasonable and stubborn.
When Dad retired from working abroad, he spent few more years before he finally left us for good to a better place. It would have been a great opportunity for us to catch up where we left off but I was already more independent and my needs were different and I can mostly achieve them all by myself. It was then my turn to leave home and work for my own future.
Every time I came home to visit, I could see in his eyes then that he wished I could stay longer so we could do things together. But I was too busy hanging out with my friends and partying. I never heard him complain though but instead he just stayed on the background and watched me shine.
It's Father's Day and I am celebrating it by looking back and listening to Taylor Swift's song "The Best Day" over and over again. I so love this song. The only thing I hate about it is that it makes me cry every time I listen to it - like right now.
I'm five years old, it's getting cold, I've got my big coat on I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you, I run and run Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides, look now, the sky is gold I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home.I don't know why all the trees change in the fall But I know you're not scared of anything at all Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away But I know I had the best day with you today.I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away And we talk and window shop 'til I've forgotten all their names.I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay.But I know I had the best day with you today. I have an excellent father, his strength is making me stronger God smiles on my little brother, inside and out, he's better than I am I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run And I had the best days with you.There is a video I found from back when I was three You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs And Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world.And now I know why the all the trees change in the fall I know you were on my side even when I was wrong And I love you for giving me your eyes For staying back and watching me shine And I didn't know if you knew, so I'm takin' this chance to say That I had the best day with you today.
Today... I miss Dad more than anything else. I just wish that I was able to tell him that. But then, I know deep in my heart... I know he knew that. I love you Dad! I HAD THE BEST DAYS WITH YOU. Happy Father's Day.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a re-post from my other blog My Refuge Online which is now no longer active.