#ruthiliciousDesigns || The moment I realize I can't color

Do you want to know a secret?


I will just assume that you do and even if you don't I will still say it anyway because this post is about the revelation of my secret.

Ok here is the secret.


Yes, that's my secret.

No, seriously.

Here's the thing. When I first saw the mandala coloring book, I was so excited about it. I bought a couple of those coloring books and a box of 48 colored pencils. I went home and was so excited about my new purchases. I opened the new box of colored pencils and the pages of the book to chose which picture I will color first.

As I looked at all the pictures in front of me I suddenly...


Then, I panicked.

Then, tiny sweat came running down my forehead.

And for some reason, I started to get confused.

Reality hits me instantly after what seemed to be a mild trance.

I realized... I can't color.

I. Just. Can't. Color. A. Mandala. Picture.

Fast forward to the present.

After I realized I can't color mandala pictures, it dawned on me that I was meant to do something else.

My anxiety, however, did not allow me to be defeated. That very instant that I realized I can't color the picture, I felt the urgency to grab my drawing pad, my micron pens, compass with a mechanical pencil, and started drawing circles, patterns and spent all day drawing my own mandala picture.

Then, I realized too that my anxiety subsided. I felt relaxed while I was drawing. I was so focused that I didn't even know what was going on outside the perimeter of my work table. My body was calm. My heart rate was normal. And I was in a happy place.

After I finished that very first Mandala picture I drew...

I finally concluded.


Yeah, weird I know.

For some reason, looking at a mandala picture and thinking of all the colors and the strokes I need to put into the work made me feel incapable if not incapacitated. And it definitely gives me anxiety.

If you are familiar with mandala art, you will surely agree with me that the details in every mandala picture are too intricate and complexed. And just looking at it is too much for my brain to take in.

However, at that moment when I realized that I cannot color a mandala picture, my counter-reaction led me to draw my own picture which I was hoping to color after. That didn't happen either.

After I saw my own creation I realized that I like it that way - black and white... clean and neat.

And so it begins.

And so it is.

Drawing mandala instead of napping is the best thing that happened to me... or not.

From that day on, mandala art became my obsession. But not for long. (I will tell you what else I did in a moment)

Mandala drawing became a part of my many hobbies too many to mention.

I draw mandala when I am bored.

I draw mandala even when I am not bored.

I draw when I can't sleep and believe it or not I also draw mandala in my dream. 

I draw mandala when I want to relax. 

I draw mandala when I am mad or sad or feeling under the weather.

And I draw mandala to keep me out of trouble for the most part. LOL

I mean seriously. When my brain is deep into different patterns and lines and shades, I was lost in that moment.

I don't care what is going on around me.

I don't see my gigantic pile of laundry, the dirty dishes in the sink, or the floor that needs to be swept up. None of those exist in my own little world of the mandala moment.

I don't even get hungry.

Once I sat down at my work table with my paper and ink pens time stood still.

Nothing really matters but that moment.

And just like anything I put my heart, attention, and focus into, mandala doodling got out of hand. 

They kept piling up. And I cannot even keep up with them. Because aside from mandala, I also got into calligraphy... for no reason.

So eventually, I do mandala side by side with calligraphy which serves as my recess from drawing mandala. Hey, I need a break too, right?

Anyway, I made a lot of both and as usual, I don't know what I'm gonna do with them.

Friends and co-workers suggested that I should sell them. And honestly, even if the suggestion is indeed a great idea, I was not totally sold to it simply because... I wasn't confident enough that my art pieces will even sell.

Yes, I was my own detractor.

At the WES Holiday Craft Fair where I still have some of my polymer clay products that I was selling
and some other stuff created with my then new toy - Cricut.

At the USM Craft Show where I finally got accepted to join the show.
This time I concentrated on mandala and calligraphy art pieces.

My Craft table at the Cornish Strawberry Festival where I was invited to join.

At the Shapleigh Community Day Craft Fair


since I've been joining craft shows since 2011, I started with my polymer clay products, which were the first things that got out-of-control, I thought... why not?

So in order to get rid of some of them and get my money back for all the expenses I spent on the materials I need to create these art pieces, selling them is the smart move for me. So I included them in my craft fair repertoire.

And they did sell.

Here are the samples of my Calligraphy pieces.

People who saw my artwork love them. I got lots of good comments and compliments about my work.

And it felt good.

Yes, I am now proud of what I am capable of doing. It took me a while to see myself the way others see me. But slowly I began to take it all in and allowed myself to receive the abundance of this God-given gift and let go of all the negative thoughts I personally hold in my heart's space.

I started to believe them and I started living them.

I started to be grateful.

And so I started using the gift...

and cash it in. LOL



All my Mandala Artworks and Calligraphy Pieces are showcased on my Facebook Page - Ruthilicious Designs.


Though I'm still in the process of organizing and putting more photos of my stock on hand. Please feel free to message me if you are interested in any of my work and I will get back to you as soon as I can to answer your inquiries.



Simply made by hand
inspired by the heart, mind, and spirit.