#ruthiliciousHindsight: On giving the Happily-Ever-After a Second Chance

Don't assume that the heart can always feel love.
It is not on auto-pilot when it comes to love.
Specially when it was wounded and scarred.

If you are a girl and grew up believing that you are a Princess, you're fucked blame your parents. And if you still believe in Fairy Tale, you're cute but you need your brain checked.

I get it, every girl grew up thinking she is some kind of a princess. I did. And sad to say I thought fairy tale is also synonymous with romantic relationships and happily-every-after. Oh well, it took me half a century to realize that it is a hoax.

Children's books authors lied. They gave girls like me false hope and altered reality. But I learned and now I'm teaching myself some common sense.

I still believe in LOVE and ROMANCE. 

I just want to make it clear, because even after the divorce and when my happily-ever-after ended, I realized, heck yeah... I deserve a second chance. I just need time and perhaps reinvent and recalibrate myself to have a fresh start.

So, one day after meditation, my intuition told me that Ruthilicious 1.0 Operating System is outdated. It needs to be upgraded to a newer version so that its innate software can support basic functions such as scheduling dating tasks, executing seduction applications, and controlling flirtation peripherals. 

Quick meditation at the summit of Bald Meadow Mountain.

In other words, I need to reinvent myself and recreate my life story so that my future romantic relationship will have a 99.9% chance of the happily-ever-after.

Break-ups are hard and traumatic.

It is something I will never wish for any of my worse enemies. But if there is one thing positive I take away from the break-up, it would be the "Divorce Diet". I lost a lot of weight but it's not sustainable. So I don't recommend it.

And just to set the record straight... I did not leave my ex-husband because I found a replacement. He was the only man in my life for 11 years. I left because I found myself in an empty marriage.

I took a long break from romantic relationships after the breakup and basically worked on building a strong relationship with myself, something I didn't have until now. I didn't jump into another relationship right away because I don't know how and I somehow lost faith in men. I was suspicious of them in general given what I went through. 

So I just decided to live a single and yes, celibate life as of this writing. 

Oh what an amazing journey it has been. Three years of figuring out how to live my life alone and doing things independently were easy because that was my normal even when I was still married. I was doing fun things on my own for the most part. And this taught me how to be resilient, stronger, and smarter.

Definitely NOT ME (credit to them whoever they are) Taken at the summit of Bradbury Mountain.

If there's anything important I learned from my past experience, that would be life is a constant change. And I think that I have so much love to give so, why should I keep it to myself. I love myself enough... it's time to share.

So, after I gathered all my strength and the courage to claim my dignity, I started doing the shadow work and have been on it 24/7. Unknown to many or perhaps even to myself, I have been updating myself so I can be ready to be in the market again.

The question is... do I want to be in a relationship again?

To be honest, I don't know.

Or maybe I am - if I find the real love of my life.

I don't know how women over 50 years old can find their soulmates at this time and age. I need to find out how do women my age find men to date. And I want to know what is the probability of me finding true love.

Now considering all the options I had on hand right now, I guess online dating is the only option on the table. Other options I was thinking of were, but not limited to - bar-hopping, blind dates referrals from friends and family, beach-bumming-slash-men-hunting, meet-up-eat-out with strangers, and the list can go on.

Though I am not new to online dating and can consider myself a veteran, I'm still kinda skeptical.  I met my ex-husband online. It was the dawn of the online-dating when it was still free and no promotional bio needed. Online dating at that time was like a remote classroom where you are dating your potential husband on zoom. Anyway, I realized during that time that I was for the international market and my beauty was "on-demand" internationally. I had boyfriends in every continent with the exception of Antarctica. I get a minimum of 3 marriage proposals a day and 7 on a good day. I said yes to each one of them but only my then future husband (now ex) was the one who came to the Philippines to meet me and my family. And the rest is history.

Kidding aside, I still can't see myself risking my bruised heart again taking chances that perhaps Guy #1 is the right one or Guy #2 and so forth. I'm too old to play games and expose my vulnerable heart to yet another possible heartbreak. I don't want to end up as a Serial Dating Diva who just wanted to get free dinners and booty calls. Though it's tempting. LOL

Still, the thought of opening my heart again has an intense energy pull in me. I don't know if my phone senses my subconscious needs and urges. But I found it strange why all the "ads" popping up in every technology I touch are about online dating. Please don't talk to me about algorithms. Let me just blame technology for spying on me or putting me on a watch list.

Then one day, while browsing on my phone, I accidentally found myself in FB online dating app. I didn't even know there was such a thing. And I swear, it was accidental and unintentional.

But next thing I know, someone said hello. I said hello back.

The memory of over a decade ago came flashing back before my eyes. And I was... Dang! I was an expert on this. I'm a Pro. So, let's do it.

But not so fast.

If you know me, I am strategic and need to be prepared.

So, I did a little research and survey. I asked for advice from my former high school student who found her husband online a few years ago for recommendations of legit and safe online dating websites. I did some homework so I can ensure my marketability and digital footprints so that the possibility of getting at least a 90% positive result is viable. Or maybe just to get my money back by getting free dinners since I need to pay for it. I'm kidding!

I was thinking, if I'm doing this, I might as well do it right and put my heart on it.

So I signed up for 2 websites (not at the same time). Played out my cards well. Created remarkable BIO and picked out the IG-perfect photos to boost my market value and promote myself like a pro. And like a Pro, I need to do it with the right mindset and purpose. If I need to catch the biggest fish in the ocean, I need to be equipped with the right and proper tools for success. And at that moment, I realized I was no longer a Princess... I was a badass Warrior ready to take the world of online dating down, AF! LOL

This is what I wrote on my Match.com Bio.

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        Born & raised in the Philippines, I left behind my family, my friends, & the classrooms where I taught our future leaders the history of the world for 11 long years. I also left behind the culture I was born with & brought only my faith & belief that love is the only thing I need to live my Fairy Tale. I was wrong. Trust, respect, honesty, loyalty, integrity, equality, selflessness, & self-worth make any relationship worth fighting for. But the disillusionment did not discourage me to find true faith hiding within me.
        Now that I found the courage to face the future with the right mindset, I am hoping that maybe there is someone out there who is on the same journey. Someone who is ready to give life and love a second chance and take the leap of faith the second time around. Who knows?
        People who know me said I’m very active & too independent for a woman of my age maybe because I do a lot of outdoor activities - SOLO. I run, race, hike, bike, swim, snowshoe, xc ski (not a pro though), camp, glam camp & do road trips & vacations all by myself. My car is always packed & ready for anything. I even have first aid & sewing kits in my glove box just in case I get a booboo or lose a button or two. If you forget to ask pepper and salt for your takeouts, I got some. Sugar for your coffee or tea? I got your back. But more importantly, I am always ready for the great adventure of the mind. I love intellectual conversations & things that make sense & make me laugh. Sense of humor can set the tone right for this Chick who can also make you laugh & cry all at the same time. A good kind of cry though, just to make it clear. But if you do make me cry (for real) - you will not know that I’m long gone even if you still see my presence. So let that sink in.
        I am an independent woman, I do practically everything all by myself now. I buy my own flowers on Valentine’s day. I celebrate my birthday all by myself in a fancy hotel. I book a table for one for Thanksgiving dinner. But my greatest achievements so far are - bringing my own trash to the town’s dump & my car to the auto shop when I hear my car making weird noises. But despite all these independence brags, I also want to make it clear that this Chick still longs to be treated like a Princess where she is served breakfast in bed on the weekends. Or a foot massage after her luxurious & relaxing bubble bath. Though she loves being independent and loves doing a lot of things solo, she still prefers to have someone to dance with, in her stilettos and sexy dress to play the Princess part once in a while because she cannot run & hike in those fancy high heels & little black dress.
        My passion is Yoga. I do yoga at the summit, on the beach, in the garden, in bed too. Yoga helped me a lot during my challenging times. It helped me reconnect with my inner self & find the light within. And now I am helping a lot of people to find theirs. I am a 200Hr RCYT. I teach Chair & Restorative Yoga. I am also an RCYT with Trauma-Informed Focus. I teach yoga to the little ones to help them with self-regulation and behavior management.
        My artistic side? I can create anything out of anything. I can cook gourmet dinner from whatever I find in the fridge or make a new dish from Chinese leftovers. I’m a recipe rule breaker. I have a hard time following directions because I always add something into the mix to make a new dish. I can draw & paint when I’m in the mood or bored. I can write stories or makeup one. But don’t let me sing. I can dance all night to compensate though.
        Anyway, there are lots of things about this Chick that she herself is yet to discover. Patience & perseverance can get anyone far & wide. Maybe passion & commitment are the missing puzzle pieces to the Happily-Ever-After. So while I'm doing the shadow work on myself, I'm also here waiting for my knight-in-shining-armor or man-in plaid & khakis.
        And oh, I'm tamed for the most part and fierce when threatened. I may be short (4'10) but most people call me FUN SIZE!

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As of this writing, the updated and newer version, Ruthilicious 2.0 Operating System is 90% complete.  It will be ready to launch soon. It only needed a couple of applications to make it up and running. Right now, these 2 applications are being tested for their maximum efficiency. 

On a serious note, I already unsubscribed and deactivated the Online Dating Websites I joined. I was only active for 3 weeks and changed my mind. I guess It's too much to handle.

I never realized how demanding online dating is now. Unlike back in the day, where you can just chill and have fun meeting people and get over it when prospects are low.

Today's online dating is intense.

I feel that I need to be on top of my game if I wanted to get the most out of my subscription fee. You need to work hard to get more LIKES, MESSAGES, and if you are lucky, you get the jackpot... PHONE NUMBERS followed by a date. It's a competition and it took the fun out of it.

At some point, I realized that my narcissistic side was triggered. I was constantly on my phone to check "likes, messages, and phone numbers". I found myself always checking photos of shirtless men posing with dead fish. Sometimes, I just saw pictures of their dogs or cats making me confused if they wanted me to date their pet or what? But not all are like that. There were some decent and nice men there. Those are the ones I clicked for either "likes or messages" or both.

But at some point, I was overwhelmed with how many men seeking women my age to date. It must be really lonely out there.

In the end, I found it exhausting. It was not worth my sanity. So I gave up.

If you reached this far, you must be wondering if I found someone special from the websites.

Well, yes I did!

I found 4 nice gentlemen with shirts on and no dead fish in tow.

I met the first 2 guys for dinner (minus the booty call and not at the same time).

I was ghosted by the 3rd guy.

The 4th and the last gentleman, well, it's highly classified. I had to kill all of you if I had to tell you.

In the end, my two cents on online dating is that - it has evolved and is evolving. It's not for everybody but it is a great platform to find your soulmate. And perhaps, there is a possibility that the Universe or your Spirit Guide will use it to help you manifest your heart's desire.

For those of you who are on the same journey as mine, I don't have any advice for you because I am still on this journey. Life works in mysterious ways. It is by design. The only thing I can say is that - love is real. If you have it in you, you will draw the right person to you. It's the law. You attract what you put out there because the energy will pull you towards that person who is waiting and ready to walk the path of the happily-ever-after with you.

If you are like me looking for that Prince Charming, the only advice I can give you is - be proactive. You can't sit around waiting for it to happen. Fairy Godmothers don't exist, Honey. Get over it and out there. You find what you seek. You get what you are prepared to handle. You decide how you want your happily-ever-after to manifest. And be prepared to be either sweep-off-your-feet or get ghosted or both. Those are the same advice I give myself. 

A work in progress.

Ruthilicious 2.0 OS is not designed to catch the elusive Knight-in-shining armor. It is not upgraded and updated for the sole purpose of finding a future partner. It may not even run as intended and may give some glitches here and there.

Ruthilicious 2.0 OS is designed so this Chick will be able to handle the next chapter of her life with a good heart and intention. It is intended for her to learn compassion, respect for all living beings, confidence in herself and the rest of humanity. It is made to equip her with the tools she needed to live a fruitful and meaningful life with the man of her dream.

It is intended to love herself more and get her ready to glow up... and to have the ability to share the love in her heart without reservation to whoever she is destined to spend the rest of her life with.

Lastly, Ruthilicious 2.0 OS is not for public distribution. It is only compatible with one unique and one-of-a-kind device that the Highest Source chose for her.



  1. I hope u really find that someone. Ur real happily ever after one🙂❤

  2. I found this blog informative or very useful for me. I suggest everyone, once you should go through this.

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